Time goes on..

The past few months have brought events to our immediate family that none of us could have imagined just a few short months ago. The photo attached was taken this past Thanksgiving. Greg was on call so we could not go the beach, as we had done for the past several years. We were a bit disappointed but we decided that we would take the opportunity to get some new family photos of Greg's side of the family. In the past 3 years Greg's brother had three children and we brought home Cali and Lily. I some how convinced, maybe forced Greg's mom into some of the photos (she hates herself in pictures). For Christmas I made Greg's mom a great photo book from snapfish with the photos from that day. She thought it was silly at first but it became a cherished gift. In April, Greg's brother (center photo, big smile) was killed riding his motorcycle. He left behind his two year old twins, and 3 year old son.Greg's mom, Estelle was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 3 weeks ago.We had her funeral today.Greg grew up with his mom and brother, he misses them today.
I am going to say some things that may offend some one reading this, because in all honesty I do not know many of you who read this blog. Please know that it my intention NOT to offend but really share. My dad and brother both died when I was a teenager. It was an awful, dark time in my life. We were raised in a catholic home, but I can say I had no relationship with Jesus. It was a dark,dark, lonely place to be.Both Greg's mom and brother were buried in a catholic service. Here is the place where I may offend... I see so clearly now how I became so dark after loosing my brother and father. whom I loved very, very much. Listening to both priests recently, two different churches, I heard them both to say, pray that you are good enough, pray that those who have preceded you in death will work to get you into heaven, pray that your prayers can be heard so that they can get into heaven. Well, as a teenager and me today I will NEVER be good enough, I will NEVER be able to pray some one into heaven and I hope no one is "working" in heaven for me. Getting into heaven is between me and Jesus. It is knowing that HE died for me, He loves me (even when I do not love Him), It is about Jesus and nothing else. Listening to these two funerals brought me back to an ugly place but I am rejoicing that I am no longer there, I am a new creation in Christ. I am still sad for what may have been, for three little boys that do not have an earthly father. I am sad for my husband to have lost so much so soon. I am sad for my children to have lost a very special uncle and crazy grandma. But I am also happy that they are no longer suffering and that I can rest in the arms of Jesus.