My DH (dear husband) drove my DS (dear son) to college this weekend. He changed colleges so his housing situation has changed. The college he is now attending is in the mountains of NC. I would say the majority of the students are white, with of course most minorities represented in some number. DS and DH checked in a went up to the new room. DS was fortunate to get housing mid year, on campus housing is at a premium at this college. They called to let me know that the room was great, suite style, kitchen, living room, shared bathroom. The new room mate is an upper classmen, the space opened up because his room mate had graduated in December. DS told me where his room mate is from, he seems nice, was very welcoming all good stuff! Some where in the conversation DS or DH told me that his new room mate is black. Honestly, I don't even know what part of the conversation this bit of information came up. No big deal to DS. His two best friends growing up are black, as far as skin color my DS gets darker in the summer than his two friends. When he was a little boy my DS thought he was the "dark" one in the group. But I did begin to ponder some things about my world. I am not going to solve our countries race issues but I began to ponder my world, my family. DS's new room is suite style meaning a couple of rooms share the common area (kitchen, living room).If the other students were also black, and my son was now the minority, I wonder how he would feel. Something to think about, huh? Just a thought?
When I lived in CA, newly married early 20's one of my best friends was black. We never really talked about race, she was my friend. We had more in common than not in coomon(different skin color). We were about the same age, newly married, from NY, starting our careers , no kids new to CA. So we were friends! When we moved to our 2nd home in NC, God placed a great new friend as my "side neighbor" . Her boys were about the same age as my son, our husbands became friends, we shared lots of great times. When they moved lots of tears flowed for weeks. Did I mention she was black. I think back at our relationships and I wonder what was it like for them, they were definitely the minority in the world we shared. Was it OK for them? I had more "race related " conversations with my friend from NC, most likely because we were older and we were raising kids. Some were comical, such as my son thinking HE was the dark one. When all of our kids were learning about slavery together in school, my younger daughter starting having nightmares that they were going to take her brother away. They were all so young and innocent, just making observations based on literally the shades of skin. But really I wonder now, was it OK for my friends, I hope so. I love them like sisters. Now I am raising two (soon to be three) Asian-American girls. In our house they are not so much a minority. But in our community they are. Is that OK? When they go to high school or college will they seek out the friends that look like them. Will they make a college choice based on ethic make up? Years ago there was a study done in schools that study race in schools. They looked at the choices students made in seat choices in the cafeteria, Even after years of intergration, most kids chose to sit with kids of their own race. I think sadly, it is still like that in a lot of places. Not just schools-churches, schools and the workplace.
Even in writing this should I
black as a description and change it to African- American? Even though my friend from CA is from Barbados should our skin color, country of origin define us?
I read books about IA-international adoption. They say it is important for our IA kids to feel OK in the "skin" and heritage. So I try to educate them in their birth countries history/culture. We go to a weekly play group that all the children are adopted from Asia. So really most of their friends do in fact look like them. Who are they though -are they Americans, Chinese, Br----ns, Christians, North Carolinians, etc. ? Who are any of us? How do you identify yourself? How do others identify you? What do you check in those little boxes at the doctors office, work or school applications? Why do we still have those boxes?
See, I told you I was not going to solve the world's race issues. I was just pondering...
