Sugar vs Sweet & Low
Diamonds vs cubic zirconia
Cool whip vs homemade whip cream
Fresh flowers vs plastic flowers
Strawberries vs fruit snacks
Grandma's meatballs vs frozen meatballs
Designer jeans vs Kmart jeans
Prada purse vs Chinese copy cat purse
Real parents vs adoptive parents
Real daughter/son vs biological child
Did the last two comparisons make you cringe? They sure would if you are an adoptive parent or child. I know what makes a REAL parent. I love you unconditionally, I hold you when you need it, I wipe your tears away, I am up at night with you to sooth your fears, I clean your boogers, I cheer you on, I love you unconditionally, I discipline you, I read to you. I love you unconditionally, your pain is my pain, your joys are my joys, I love you unconditionally...did I say I love you unconditionally!?!?
As we journey to adopt again there are tons of things I think and pray and honestly worry about. I pray-think-worry about bonding, attachment, safety as we travel, hearts of all my children, home schooling 3 little ones, up coming surgeries,,,. So I prepare by praying, reading, making doctors appointments, ect.,
But one thing I never never never worried about was this conversation between Lily (age 6) and "other 5 year old kid"
Other 5 year old kid says to Lily
- Are they taking you back to China to bring you back to your REAL parents?
Lily tells him "these are REAL parents! My Chinese parents had to give me to my REAL parents because they were too old, or too sick, or just could not take care of me.
(I know that we will most likely never know why my girls were relinquished but these are some of the reasons that I thought a child may understand) Yes we have had the "why" conversations. And as hard as they are, boy am I glad we did. Lily was prepared. It is our responsibility as their REAL parents to prepare our adopted kids for the world but more importantly to prepare them for doubts and questions that may arise within themselves. Are they real daughters, real sisters, are they worthy? So my prayer now is that all of my children will always know they are REAL, and worthy. Not so much in the eyes of others, but in the eyes of Christ, their one perfect REAL father.
Some books that we read that help in our conversations about adoption are:
PS yes, when I told my husband, Lily's REAL dad, he wanted to knock the 5 year olds head off because that's what REAL dads do-protect their kids.
Adoption is Not the Gospel
1 day ago